patty-cakes

I am writing to formally apply for the position of Head of Household Management in your home. I am a seasoned professional with years of hands-on experience ensuring that humans stay on schedule, snacks are distributed fairly (to me), and household operations run according to my clearly defined standards.My leadership style is best described as confident, assertive, and results-driven. I do not wait to be asked — I delegate. If you are looking for a passive couch ornament, I regret to inform you that I am not your candidate. If, however, you desire a small but mighty manager who knows exactly what she wants and when she wants it, we should talk.Relevant Experience & Skills:Snack Distribution Oversight: Highly skilled at reminding humans when it is time for treats, second treats, and “just because” snacks. Walk Scheduling & Enforcement: Ensures walks occur on time, at acceptable frequencies, and with adequate sniffing opportunities.Household Rule Enforcement: Maintains firm expectations around personal space (hers), seating arrangements (hers), and attention allocation (also hers). Human Training: Expert at using eye contact, vocal reminders, and strategic positioning to guide humans toward correct behavior. Security & Alerts: Promptly notifies staff of suspicious noises, deliveries, or perceived injustices.Management Style:I am known to be bossy and demanding, which I consider strengths, not flaws. I thrive in environments where my opinions are respected and my authority is acknowledged. I do best with humans who appreciate a dog with personality, confidence, and a clear vision for how a home should be run.Compensation Requirements:Regular meals and snacksConsistent walksComfortable resting areasAmple affection (on my terms)Respect for seniorityIn return, I offer unwavering loyalty, excellent companionship, and the peace of mind that comes from knowing your household is being expertly managed.Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to assuming my rightful role in your home.Warm regards,Patty Cakes